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Stories From My Journal
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I can't explain why, but whenever the moon was full the crazies came out in force and found their way to my law office to seek my counsel and advice. Every scientific study ever conducted to correlate human behavior to phases of the moon has failed to establish any direct relationship, but none of those studies were ever done in my office. If those scientists had seen what went on the day after a full moon, they would have given serious consideration to a re-evaluation of the results of their scientific inquiries.I kept a journal of the bizarre and preposterous stories people told me on the day after a full moon. This is one of them:
THE MISSING WITNESS
I was interviewing a new client who had arranged an appointment to discuss his accident case. “Tell me what happened,” I asked.
“I had bet twenty bucks on the ninth race at Pimlico and the horse I bet came in second. I had bet him three ways, so...”
I interrupted him, “Did that have something to do with your accident?”
“Well, I was getting to that...so, I went to the cashier to collect on my bet and?”
“Can we just skip to the part when the accident happened? I’m like not really interested in what you had for breakfast or how much your horse paid,” I said impatiently.
“Oh, okay...well, I was stopped at the red light and a bus full of passengers hit me in the rear,” the client explained.
“Where were you when this accident occurred?” I asked.
“Like I just said; I was in my car.”
“Yes, I know that...where was your car at the time of the accident?
“At the intersection of
“What street were you on?”
“What’s the matter with you. I just said I was on
“I mean which street were you traveling
“I wasn’t traveling...I already told you I was stopped at the light,” he insisted. “Are you on drugs or something?” he asked accusingly.
“I understand that you were stopped, but I need to know what direction your car was facing on
“I wasn’t facing in any direction on
“Good,” I said mistakenly believing we were finally getting somewhere. “What direction were you facing on
He looked around the room, pointed at the door and said, “I was facing that way.”
I just gave up. “Okay, so what happened?”
“Whadya mean what happened? Like I told you, the bus crashed into the back of my car,” he responded in an irritated tone of voice.
“Was there a lot of damage to your car?”
“There wasn’t any damage to my car,” he answered.
“How about the bus...was it damaged?”
“Why should I care if the bus was damaged; it wasn’t my fault.”
“It might help to establish the severity of the impact,” I patiently explained.
“Oh...wasn’t any that I could see,” he stated.
“So this bus full of people crashed into the rear of your car, but neither vehicle was damaged?” I questioned skeptically.
“Right,” he replied.
“Was anybody on the bus injured?”
“The driver of the bus asked if anybody was hurt, but they said they didn’t feel the impact.”
“Did the driver of the bus feel the impact?”
“He said he didn’t.”
“Then you were the only person who felt the impact?” I asked.
“Well there was this one young lady got off the bus and said she felt the impact,” he informed me.
“Do you have her name and address?”
“Well, she got off the bus and got into my car,” he explained.
“Why did she get into your car?”
“She went home with me and we spent the night together,” he said as if that were a perfectly normal thing that would happen after an accident.
“So then, I assume that you know how to reach this young lady,” I questioned.
“Well, actually when I woke up in the morning, she was gone and she disappeared with my wallet and all of my credit cards,” he offered as an excuse.
“Let me make sure I understand all of this, I said and summarized his story: “You were stopped at a red light; a bus full of people crashed into the rear of your car...there was no damage to either vehicle, no one else got hurt or felt the impact and the only potential witness got off of the bus and got into your car. She then went home with you, spent the night and before you awoke, she left with your wallet and all of your credit cards! Did I get the whole thing?”
“Yep! That’s about it,” he agreed.
“My friend, that’s some story, but I’m afraid that no impact plus no damage plus no witness equals no case,” I advised. “There’s nothing I can do to help you.”
“So, how am I going to get my credit cards back? I thought maybe you could help me with that.”
“I will...get me her name, address and phone number. I’ll write her a nasty letter or call and scream really loud at her. Let me know when you have the information,” I said as I stood to escort him from the office.
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